Dear DV8
"'My best friend found out i was in the lifestyle, when i tried to talk to her about it, things became awkward. Now she barely even speaks to me, how do i explain to my friend that this is something my husband and i enjoy. And still keep our friendship?"
mybffe - Massachusetts
Dear mybffe
"Even though we have made great advances in the lifestyle with mainstream acceptance, there is still a stigma surrounding it. Some people won't accept it because of religious values, some have their own jealousy issues, and some were raised with the belief that monogamy is the only key to a happy relationship; even offended at the thought that a person would be open to a sexual encounter outside of the marriage. In any case, only you know your best friend and why she may now feel uncomfortable around you. Is she offended? Does she think you may want to recruit her into the lifestyle? Or perhaps she just needs a little time to process this newfound information. Try having a one on one conversation with her, making it clear that the lifestyle is something that you and your partner explore together, as consensual adults. Answer any questions she may have. There are two kinds of friends; ones that will accept you and love you regardless, and ones that should remain a part of your past." - Mrs DV8
"If you're dabbling in the lifestyle or it's a regular part of your life, you always run the risk of someone finding out. How you feel about the lifestyle should reflect on how you explain what the lifestyle means to you and your husband. Since this is something you enjoy as a couple, you should convey this to your friend. Whether or not she agrees with it is irrelevant, though this is your secret you want it to be safe with her. Explain how it fits into your relationship and that if it makes you two happy she should be happy too. Tell her it's not just about sex it's about enjoying yourselves and the people associated with the lifestyle. If it hadn't affected your friendship in the past then it shouldn't in the future. Everyone still needs a little vanilla in their lives, friendship is important. A true friend will understand. " - Mr DV8
